Saturday, March 3, 2012

For those of you still listening...

I almost forgot I had this blog on here! You all know I've tried and failed with blogging many a time, but I always seem to come back. But just so you all know, I got on here and checked out the last few posts I wrote. They were, as I guessed, from 2011, right around the time I started to care about my body.

And mean, actually care. You can see, or at least I can remember, the struggle it was for me to feel love for my body and myself. I remember how difficult it was because, two posts ago, I paid for P90X and couldn't do it past two weeks. I remember my boyfriend telling me, "Stop saying you're fat!" (He hated that...he thought I was beautiful, and perhaps he was right).

He then went on to add, that if I really thought I was fat, then I should be putting the $160 dollars worth of exercise DVD's to use. He wasn't being rude or putting me down. He was just stating the truth. And he was saying it in LOVE.

Gosh, I remember the impact that had on me. First of all, it made me MAD. LOL how do you like that?! It made me MMMMAAAADDDD!!!!! Why did it do that?! Well, probably because he was right. And it pissed me off knowing that he was right ;) Then it really hit me. This was pathetic behavior. I couldn't believe my lack of self control. I remember crying in the shower, just begging God, please...please Lord help me! HELP ME!!!! I needed His hand on all of my attempts!

I also gave Him a list. Yes, people. I gave the Almighty a list. I told Him, you know what? I need a partner. There is NO one around here who I know that wants to be healthy and exercise with me. My family isn't interested, my boyfriend isn't interested, and my best friend lives far away. I also told Him that I needed to start eating healthy but that I didn't know how to get rid of all the cravings and temptations. I may have even mentioned a gym membership in that list. But most of all I just remember wanting to be loved. Not just by Him, because I KNEW that He loved me.

I wanted ME to love me.

I love Happy Endings... don't you? Well this is even better! It has turned into a Happy Beginning for me. In April of last year, after my failed p90x attempt amongst many others to turn my lifestyle around, God blessed me yet again. My neighbor enlisted me as a gym partner. She asked that I watch her kids once a month, and she would PAY for my gym membership. Free? Yes, that membership seems like a gift because I love those kids that it doesn't feel like work. And my best friend and I joined My Fitness Pal in which we could encourage each other to keep eating healthy and working out. She lived about 4 hours away, but she still stuck it out with me. That kind of support is priceless. God is good.

Then somehow, I was able to eat healthy! I kept praying and trusting the Lord, and you know what?! He did this WITH me! I didn't think about dinner while I was eating lunch anymore. I didn't crave fast food. I stopped being so hungry all the time. I ate SO healthy. The healthiest I think I've ever eaten in my life. And then, I got happy. God showed me by learning about HIS love, how to slowly start loving myself. And I do! I love me!

Guys, I had a little bump around the holidays, but I've been back since January.

I've lost 21 pounds since last year, and I am SO never going back to who I was. I thank God so much for His blessings and presence in my life! I would have never been able to do this on my own...let me tell you. Without Jesus guiding my every bite and step, I wouldn't be here right now. I've started running and practicing for the 5k. I am almost there! I also plan on running in our community's 2 mile race this summer. My boyfriend has become inspired to start running with me! This is a feat in and of itself! He also doesn't eat fast food as much as he used to. I am so proud of how far I've come, but like I said, the credit goes to Jesus. I will continue to enlist His help in everything I do. I hope you come to know Him and all the love He has for you. I also hope you will see His touch on your life and see all the amazing things that can happen when you let Him in!!!
xoxo until next time...

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